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babies, bed-sharing, bonding, children, co-sleeping, kids, parenting
1. It can prolong breastfeeding
There is quite a lot of evidence now to suggest that bed-sharing can promote breastfeeding, and help it last for longer, so if breastfeeding is something that is important to you, it may be worth investigating bed-sharing as a pro-active choice. Getting to feed your baby before he gets distressed is a good way of helping yourself to be successful with breastfeeding.
2. It may protect against SIDS
Breastfeeding is known to reduce the risk of SIDS dramatically, and bed-sharing promotes breastfeeding. The risk is also reduced by babies sleeping in close proximity to their parents, and you can’t get much closer than bed-sharing! If you’re concerned about being quite so close to your baby, consider getting a side-car or bedside cot.
3. It may help you get more sleep
Some mothers tend not to notice so many of the night-time feeds when they bed-share, and seem to get more rest. You don’t have to waste time re-settling a crying baby, if you’ve latched them on before they’ve got upset! And the hormone you release when you breastfeed – oxytocin – also helps you fall asleep more easily.
4. It’s great bonding time for Dad
When a dad doesn’t see his baby all day long because of being out at work, bed-sharing can create an extra few hours special, close fathering time. Some Dads are very nervous of sleeping next to their baby, but of those who manage to overcome that nervousness, I know many who say that they loved doing it.
5. It can help you become more in tune with your baby
Responding to your baby immediately helps you learn his cues very easily, and it helps your baby trust that you’ll be there when he needs you. And learning about each other is one of the really important factors in forming relationships or, in other words, bonding.
NB: Edited to add the following link to bedsharing safety: http://freeyourparenting.com/2011/06/29/bed-sharing-safety/
It definitely worked for us. My eldest just didn’t settle in her moses basket so I gave up after a couple of weeks and hardly had a disturbed night after that as she fed without me waking. She had colic and hated sitting in her car seat/pram so I think it helped our relationship, it was good to snuggle up together after an evening of colic-ey stress. With my 2nd I didn’t even try to put her to sleep anywhere else. It meant we could travel anywhere without it disrupting our routine and I think it helped both of them to sleep for longer in the mornings, they’d wake briefly at around 5 and then go back to sleep, neither of them have ever woken up before 7.30 am. It’s not for everybody but it certainly worked for our family.
ps My girls are now 10 and 7 and have been sleeping happily in their own beds for years. It’s not a bad habit that they’ll never get out of, it’s a way of giving them the security they need to become independent when they’re ready.
Thanks for your comment, Tracy. It’s a shame when people don’t do it because they think that it’s bad for children. Fine if you actually don’t like the idea of it – as you say, it’s not for everybody. But so many people think that they shouldn’t do it and then choose not to!
I think new parents should be aware that every year coroners deal with babies who are smothered when sleeping with their parents. This is clearly a tradegy and preventable. Sleeping with an infant carries serious risks to the baby and these, in my view, outway the gains of not noticing the night feeds.
Hi Patricia
Thanks for commenting. Check out this post which explains how to do it safely. I’ll add a link to the post you’ve commented on too: http://freeyourparenting.com/2011/06/29/bed-sharing-safety/ When it’s done safely, bedsharing is far safer than a lot of other baby sleep approaches – infinitely safer than falling asleep on a sofa with your baby when you’re up for the fifth time that night; and safer than moving your baby into a different room before they’re old enough to. As I’ve said, bedsharing promotes breastfeeding, and breastfeeding protects against SIDS so it can actually be a very safe way of sleeping.
Did you know that, actually, there is no increased risk of suffocation or SIDS during bedsharing if safety guidelines are followed? I also know for a fact that, if you were to contact FSID privately and ask them to confirm that fact, they would.
I know, but the trouble is parents are understandably scared of it because the statistics are just not made clear. Will definitely be posting more about bedsharing on this blog as it’s such a misunderstood topic.
I’d be interested in the figures for babies being smothered when co-sleeping. Coroners also deal with lots of cases of babies who are smothered on sofas etc because their mothers fall asleep whilst feeding them and are trying to keep awake long enough to put them back in their own beds. I’ve known people whose babies have rolled off their knees when they’ve fallen asleep in a rocking chair whilst feeding. If it’s done safely it’s not dangerous, this is a myth. Other cultures do this all the time and don’t have higher incidents of cot death because it is the ‘norm’ and done safely. There are studies that show that the baby adjusts it’s breathing to match the mothers breathing when co-sleeping. Also, breastfeeding helps protect against cot death and co-sleeping helps breastfeeding.
I think everybody has a choice and has to do what feels right for them and their baby but these choices have to be based on facts and not scaremongering myths.
I think this is the vital point. SIDS is not the same as being smothered, and being smothered is actually extremely rare. But it crops up in the papers when it does happen, so it’s understandable that people think that it’s much more common than it is, especially as, like you say, the papers don’t specify whether the baby was in bed with their parents, or on a sofa. Or if the parents were drunk or the baby was ill. Or a whole number of other things that would increase the risk of harm coming to the baby.
Parents are right to feel wary about bed-sharing, but only because being wary of something makes you check out how to do it safely. These things are also difficult to consider out of perspective. Our babies are at far more risk in their parents’ car, but we don’t hesitate to drive them places.
Very well said! I love the car analogy. spot on.